In the finest tradition of pushing the envelope wherever and whenever we can for our wonderful guests, Potters is very relieved to finally announce the latest chapter in ground-breaking technology here on Resort as we roll out our very first 'Smart' Toilets.
A brilliant addition to the hi-tech automatic doors, wash basins and hand-dryers that we already have in our public toilets, the voice-controlled 'touchless toilets' will be available on Resort from the start of April and use the best features from the latest digital intelligence devices, like the Amazon Echo.
The toilets will cheerfully welcome guests into the cubicle, then talk them through the day's news headlines and weather to help muffle any embarrassing sounds that might emanate during 'business hours'.
The Smart Toilets are capable of voice interaction for total control, and can stream music, podcasts or audio books for relaxation, or even record to-do lists for those eureka moments of inspiration that always seem to come in the bathroom!
The units have also been specially modified for Potters guests and provide verbal itinerary information so no Resort activities, meal times or entertainment will ever be missed. There is a range of bespoke speech options on the toilets with the voices of Potters Managing Director John Potter, or Comedy Team legends Mark Brewer and Buzby Allen available to provide tips from the break programme.
And at Potters we have moved into the 'flush on command' era of sanitary technology where guests simply have to say 'flush' when their business is finished, and this initiates the toilet's clean-up process.
Even though he knows it will attract a certain amount of 'toilet humour', Potters Managing Director John Potter is still very excited about the Resort's latest big investment for a couple of reasons...
"Number One - This is no bum steer for our guests, this is all about offering next level comfort. I know some people might make a bit of fun out of talking toilets, but we're happy to turn the other cheek," he said.
"Number Two - We continue to make huge investments in the Resort, and this is the latest, and possibly the best... the world's most advanced toilet is perfect for Potters and the overall experience of our guests. This most definitely proves that their business is our business!"
Please note that this blog post is for April Fools.